Communication, the engine oil of life-2

Hello Everyone ,

Welcome to the Lion's den. Hope you have had a great week. Two weeks ago I started a series on communication being the engine oil of business and I promised a sequel. I am sorry this is a week late. As I reflected on it again, it became clear the title was a misnomer, it's not just the engine oil of business but of life. I shared two key principles I have learnt which have helped me  to communicate better. There were one, to always seek first to understand before trying to get others to understand me, and two  to always try to keep any communication as simple as possible ensure most people will read the same meaning from them. It takes a lot of consciousness to be able to apply these consistently. It's important to understand that communication is not just by  what we say or write but also what we do.There are a couple of things that affect our ability to communicate effectively.

A key thing that affects our communication is our attitude or perspective on life or events as they unfold. Every day we are impacted by a lot of external events which can affect our perception and our thoughts. I have seen quite a number of people speak, write or act from feeling like victims. Our communication starts from our thinking. In Mathew 12:34 Jesus cautioned " out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks". It's also written in the book of proverbs, "as a man thinketh, so he is". Good communication starts from our thoughts. Self esteem is critical to the way you perceive events and communicate. 

 In one of my previous roles, an expatriate Field sales director was recruited to work under me. One of my direct reports came to me and asked me why I accepted and did I not know it was a ploy to kick me out and for him to take over? Imagine the way I would have communicated and acted in the business if I thought the same way. I simply saw it as the business offering me support as we were running a big transformation project which could have affected my ability to effectively follow through on field execution. My communication in words and deeds were therefore positive and we went on to deliver some fantastic results on the project as well as the business.

Another key thing that affects how we communicate is labelling people  rather than to label the way they have behaved. The danger with labelling is that subconsciously it becomes a filter for how we see the individual or interprete any message from them. It takes a lot of effort to learn how to suppress the impulse to label people and just put them in boxes. I had a senior member of my team who was very critical and was labelled as such. During our team meetings, the rest of the team will try to suppress and ignore her views because she was percieved as biased. I quickly learnt to always allow her speak and she made a couple of good calls that saved us from a few mistakes that were potentially damaging. Listen first actively , think through and decide how you are going to respond. 

Another thing that affects communications is the "I tell the truth no matter what or how" mindset. An African prover warns to be careful how you pass bad news to the King or you may be killed as the messenger. In the words of Sharon Johnson "Communication without compassion is brutality" . It is right to focus on telling the truth but it should not be done in a manner that leaves the others shattered. 

Making progress in life is about getting things done or getting others to do things. Good communications skills as at the heart of this. Leadership and communication are like two sides of a coin. Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandela, Winston Churchill, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, Martin Luther King are great examples of Leaders who are excellent communicators. The best communicators focus on getting people to do what they want and  how they make them feel. They focus when they communicate, on the outcome they want out of the exchange rather than the situation or the emotions they feel. Taking control and communicating from your desired outcome  doesn't come easy but the rewards are priceless. Have a great week and God bless us all.

Kind regards,

Alex